


To Break The Forth Wall You  Must First Realise The Differences Between Reality And Fiction In The Anime World. That Creates Humor.

by Storiesarelife1903



Series: When Two People In A Series Interact At All, Then It's Likely They Will Be Paired Together By At Least Some Fangirls, Even If That Pairing Originally Hate Eachother. True Story [3]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Fluff, Humor, I Don't Even Know, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, Pillow Fights, Romance, Yaoi, references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-08 16:55:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5505641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storiesarelife1903/pseuds/Storiesarelife1903
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A plotless idea of Hijikata and Gintoki having a long conversation of switching subjects and pretty much being themselves. They never really talk much in the anime do they? Except for when they tear at eachother's throats. Well...not much will change after a "usual" night that the fanfiction world has created. It's just fluff and some sort of humor. I'm doubting myself WAY too much. Ah, well...</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Break The Forth Wall You  Must First Realise The Differences Between Reality And Fiction In The Anime World. That Creates Humor.

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I came up with on the spot since fanfictions are usually created from daydreaming. That's all I can really say aside from my apology in advance. I'm not very good at writing humorous situations, so I can never live up to Gintama standards. All I could do was try. So...enjoy? I guess...

Gintoki's POV

At my age, I should be asleep right about now. I was surprised that I failed to drift off right after the whole "pulling out after ripping my ass apart" incedent. But the hotel room's lamps were on and I could smell smoke drifting in the air. My lungs were in trouble, definitely. Kagura always complains when I come home smelling of cigarrettes, saying that I've been doing indecent things with Hijikata as if she's my Mom who caught me with porn under my bed. I'm not doing anything wrong...aside from him. My ass hurt...Can't he learn to slow down and not be so rough when we're doing it? I only do the same cause...well...I can't...help it? Aggh, he'd probably say the same thing. Fine! I take it back! I kept myself from lying on my back, cause I knew my ass and hips would hurt like hell. We would use lube, but we're both too embarrassed to walk into a store and buy just it on its own! Condoms are fine-but lube?! I know the clerks wouldn't say anything-but I know they'd treat me like some pervert! Gaaaaah! What has Hijikata done to me?! 

"Why the hell did I have to become such a pervert for you?!" I yelled, burying my face into the pillow I was hugging. Shiiit...I said that out loud! 

"What's wrong with you? You were a pervert anyway". He replied, blowing out a cloud of smoke. 

"And you weren't?! I never knew you would end up liking me so much. I know you hated me before-but I guess that means you must really like my di-ooooww!" 

"Shut the hell up!" He hit my over the head with a clenched fist, burying my face further into the pillow. "As if! This all started because we were both wasted! I can't help it that you made my body all weird!" 

"Ah, but Hijikata, are you forgetting?" I turned my head to face him, sneaking in a smile. "The second time we did it...we didn't have any alcohol, did we?" 

"Uh...!" Hijikata's cheeks turned bright red. 

That's right...He was on bottom the second time. I sat up, although my hips still ached slightly, and gripped his chin securely between my fingers. 

"You made the cutest faces then". My heart pulsed at my own words. I guess the memory was still so vivid. He gently pushed my hand away, turning his head from me. 

"Why the hell do you have to bring that up?" 

"Cause you get all embarrassed and-ah!" I jolted, a shot of pain hitting my hips hard. Really? I get stabbed, poisoned, shot and THAT makes me cry in pain?! I was probably even attacked by tentacles in at least one or two doujinshi! This suuuucks! 

"You alright? Don't push yourself too hard, you might break something". 

"Bastard! Are you callin' me old?! We're the same age!" 

"You're not the only one who has felt like this. You're not exactly gentle either. Grow a pair and buy lube for next time". 

"You say that but you're on top too! Why don't you grow a pair and buy lube?! I'm flat broke anyway, so-a-ah!" It happened again. 

"What did I tell you? Lie down you moron". 

I lay back down on my stomach, hugging my pillow and puffing out my cheeks like a child. It was his fault in the first place. 

"Take it easy for tonight. I'm sorry for being so rough, but I was...ahem, a-at my limit. You understand, right?" 

"Yeah, I guess. But I know you're a proud guy. You wouldn't just walk into a store to buy lube. I wouldn't either. It'd probably help if you were more gentle". 

"I know, but I should say the same for you". 

"Sure, sure. At least some people would have some self-control, I'm sure". 

"Like who?" 

"I dunno...Hey, if there were three people you knew who you would sleep with, besides me, who would they be? And it has to be one of the other characters, even if you haven't really spoken to them". 

"What are we, teenage boys? Haa...Well-". 

"Oh, and you have to pick at least one guy who isn't me". 

"Fine, fine. Geez...Uh...well...This is kinda hard. I don't talk to a lot of women and I work in an all-men community". 

"It can all be men, I won't judge". 

"Yes you will! Haa...I suppose...Tama-san...". 

"A robot?" 

"Sssh! Uh...Maybe Spectacles Sister, Otae-san and, uh...um...Kondou-san". 

"What?!" I was so shocked by that, but, then again, how could you be shocked? 

"What? You got a problem with that?!" 

"No, it's just...you're practically married to that gorilla at your work and you haven't even slept with him. Where the hell is my ring?" I asked, showing him my wedding finger. 

"Oi, don't make this into a weird topic. Who the hell would marry you?" 

"Don't insult me after I practically proposed to you, you dick! Especially when my ass hurts like I just took a huge shit!" 

"Whatever. What about you? Who would you sleep with?" 

"Tsukuyo, Ketsuno Crystel the weather lady and...probably Zura". 

"That's right, you know that bastard Katsura, don't you? I could have you arrested for just knowing him, you know. And why him?" 

"One, I don't think we're ready for bondage, except that time we got handcuffed together. And two, I've known him since we were kids. Is that good enough?" 

"Hell no! What's with the sudden talk of bondage?!-that was an accident!" 

"We did also share a stall because of that accident, but that's on a whole other level". 

"That's disgusting! And you're reasoning for sleeping with that weirdo Katsura is because you've known him since childhood?! That's all?! How many fanfics do you think are out there of you two? I wouldn't be surprised if there were quite a few of you and that Takasugi creep!" 

I suddenly got a lot of chills through my body, wanting to gag and throw up just then. Why the hell...? 

"Why hell would you say something so disgusting?! What, do they actually write about me and him that way?! Eww! You don't know Takasugi like I do! Do you have any idea how scary sex would be with that guy?! He would say something like; "all I want to do is destroy your ass", or some shit! That isn't him! He's shorter than me so he'd end up destroying my dick instead!! Aaaah! He'd rip it right off of my body!" 

"Does he hate you that much?! Or is that just something a fourteen-year-old girl thinks he would say?!" 

I couldn't imagine anyone wanting to sleep with such a guy, aside from that gun-weilding blonde bitch. God, that would be the most terrifying thing. Guh...I hugged Hijikata, not wanting to think about it. 

"Hijikata-kuun, why would you say something so groooss? The only man I want is youuu". 

"Why the hell did your character change so quickly?! Cut that out!" 

I pulled away. "Kidding, kidding. Although, I really don't wanna mention Takasugi after tonight. I'd get disturbing chills every time we have sex". 

"Why DURING? Don't think about shit like that when you sleep with me, otherwise I'll find that bastard and kill him for you". 

I'd like to see that. Although, honstly, Hijikata would fight strongly but wouldn't win. Takasugi is really strong, after all. I've...seen it enough times to know his strength. I'm just waiting for the day when he uses it on me...I'll be ready then. 

"I knew him since we were kids, you know". I spoke quietly, resting my cheek against the pillow. "He wasn't always like...the way he is. He wasn't always that ugly". 

"Why make it into a joke?" 

"It makes it easier to end the subject, I suppose. I don't make a habit of talking about the past. It isn't something I can really discuss, not even with Shinpachi and Kagura. They're good kids, really, treating me like family no matter how little they get paid or whatever dangers I get them into". 

I've never told anyone about the past because it's, well, in the past. Why look back and trip up in your journey when you could keep your eyes forward at all times? That's what I've always thought. 

"I suppose I can tell you that it wasn't all bad, when we were kids. I remember we used to play "kick the can" whenever we got our hands on one. There was also the usual kids games of hide-and-seek, tag. I remember we found a rope swing in the wilderness and just went nuts for once. I think we all tried it at the same time and it broke off. I remember the times during spring when we'd wander up this large hill and just watch a rainstorm of cherry blossoms cover the whole sky". 

I never told anyone this. I guess I was just losing my mind in a daze I had never fallen into. Talking about all the good stuff when it was around was actually quite nice. But I had to stop somewhere as the silence set in. 

"How about you?" I asked. "Ever play kick the can when you were a kid?" 

"No, not really. I actually didn't speak to a lot of the neighbouring kids when I lived with my Mom. They usually picked on me, thinking I was a girl because of my hair". 

"That must have been rough". 

"Kinda. I mean, there was this one boy who would push me into mud puddles when it rained and teased me for wearing the colour blue and green instead of yellow or pink. They really thought I was girl. But, I don't think that kid really hated me". Hijikata stared up at the ceiling, reminiscing. "I remember seeing him alone a few times, hiding behind walls everytime I walked by or even blushing whenever our eyes met. I think he might of liked me, in the end, without knowing I was actually a boy". 

"Eh? Seriously? Did he ever find out?" 

"No, why?" 

"So you're telling me this kid possibly grew up while still being in love with you?!" 

"Why would that happen?! What if he's married by now? Has kids?" 

"Neither of us know! What if this turns into some weird episode where he turns up at Shinsengumi Headquarters and asks to meet you?! Even if you're a man, he still loves you!" 

"That's way too cliché! As if that would ever happen!" 

"It could, Hijikata. Think about it. For years he's never been able to love anyone else and he feels guilty for picking on that one girl back in his childhood. He does research over many years until he finds out that this girl is actually a man. He thinks long and hard about it, feeling regret but also...his feelings still linger. He wants to find you...and meet you, not knowing that you're already in a relationship. He finally confronts you and then...he proposes!" 

"Why the hell did the plot move that quickly?! Why the hell would he propose?! Has he wasted that much of his life?! If that happened at Shinsengumi Headquarters I think I'd have a stroke! It was enough admitting in front of Kondou-san, Sougo and Yamazaki that I was in love of you-but that?! Screw that!" 

"So, if something that cliché happened, would you say no to a proposal?" 

"...Of course I would. As if I'd move into something that quickly with someone I barely know. Besides, I'm already dating you, aren't I?" Hijikata put out his cigarrette in the ashtray next to him before sitting up. 

"Yeah, you are dating me. So, you prefere me over some other guy or girl?" 

"I don't think that's the right word, but yeah...I would choose you". 

"Even over the gorilla?" 

"Now, I didn't say that". 

"Asshole! I'm way better than him! Have you seen my Ginpachi-Sensei persona?! I suited those glasses! Don't say you'd pick a gorilla with a hairy ass over me!" 

"Hairy ass is better than no ass!"

"You fucker! It's perky! Die you mayo-freak!" 

I hit him over the head with my pillow, quickly putting him in a head-lock as I whacked him over the head with it.

"Gah! Gintoki! Stop!-Stop it! Ah! I said cut it out!" 

With his strength, Hijikata, swerved me over and shoved me onto my back. Picking up his pillow, he hit me with it repeatedly. The attacks went on between us, while also spouting insults of some kind. When there's nothing else, spout random nonsense to try and make yourself look good. 

"Gah! I'll have you know that my ass is perkier than yours!-and it's clean of hair! As if they'd do that to the main character-despite all the shitting jokes!" 

"Shut it! Although, it is true it makes you a perfect Uke! Bunch of writers having fun making you into a blushing mess!"

"Screw you! You're the one with the tsundere persona-making you the perfect Uke!" 

"And your perversion makes you perfect for Seme!" 

"Hah! Well, you're proud enough to be Seme, Hijikata! Too proud that your ass is too tight for you to be Uke!" 

"Asshole! Your's is tighter!" 

The quarrel continued, the odd "insults" being passed around like side-dishes from a bento box. They were good, but not fantastic insults. Had we gotten rusty at insulting eachother, or was our Seme/Uke situation simply democratic? Yeah, that was it. 

"Mayo-addict!" 

"Sugar-freak!" 

"Shitty Mutt!" 

"Dead-Eyed Natural Perm!"

We had eventually exhausted all insults, panting softly with pillows hanging loosely in our hands. Hijikata stared down at me, but then looked away with a guilty expression. 

"You know, Gintoki...Although you really do piss me off, I would...I would choose no ass over a hairy one". That was his way of choosing me? 

"Right...Well, thanks, I guess. And...". I looked away also. "I guess...I would choose no ass over a gorilla's too...". 

"...? Haah...Gintoki, you really are...". Hijikata suddenly ruffled my hair as I lay down, covering my eyes with my fringe. 

"Gah! Wh-what the hell are you doing?! My hair's wavy enough as it is!" 

"You're such an idiot. Now help me fix up the bed". 

"Hey, I'm the one in pain here".

Settling back down, we started talking again, although the conversation shifted often. 

"Hey, you said that your hair when you were a kid made you look like a girl, right?" I asked. 

"Yeah. Why?" 

"Well, you must have been pretty cute, even if you did grow up into a mayo-obsessed freak". 

"Don't insult me so harshly after you just called me cute, asswipe. Anyway, I wouldn't say that much. I'd rather be a man than a woman". 

"Oh, yeaaah, we did switch genders that one episode. Hah, as I recall, you were quite the big girl because off all that mayo". 

"Why did you have to bring that up? I'm surprised they didn't make you the same, what with your sweet addiction. Oh, wait, that's because you're the main character!" 

"Ahahahahaha! Of course they would make me slim and cute-cause I'm the main character!" 

"You weren't even cute, bastard!" 

"Whatever. You wouldn't know cute if it came up and slapped your ass. Oh, yeah it did-me, asshole!-oof!" Hijikata hit me with the pillow again at full force. 

"Since when would I let you do something like that?! Do it and I'll kill you!" 

"I won't, I won't. But there was that one time when I did that thing...You remember, it was that one night when you were over at Odd Jobs and Kagura was fast asleep. You said that we couldn't do anything because it would definitely wake her up. We ended up sleeping in two seperate futons, but we cuddled up and I lost all control at some point and ended up...touching you a bit".

"I knew you were! Not like I gave you permission-but you fondled me anyway!" 

"Didn't you cream your pants?" 

"Hell no! Remember? I kicked you away for sexual harrassment!" 

"Don't call it sexual harrassment! We're already dating, I don't see what the probelm is". 

"I didn't give you consent! I'm a cop-I know what I'm talking about! You know I didn't say we could do anything, yet you tried to do stuff anyway. Why would you do that?!" 

I shrugged. "I dunno. I was drunk?" 

"No you weren't!" 

"Look, I can't help it if you make me do weird things! I can't have normal sex anymore, so how are you gonna compensate me? The last time I saw a vagina was when we switched genders--and it was my own!" 

"I was the same, you know". 

"How? I didn't think you could even see yours. Uh...pfft-hahaha...ahahahaha!" I started laughing, cradling my stomach at the thought. Hijikata wasn't amused, though. "Y-you couldn't see your own v-vagina-ahahahaha! Ha-hah! Hahahaha!" I collapsed on my side, each one splitting. 

"Oi, shut up you bastard! Don't make fun of me because of my weight as a woman!" 

"W-wait...I can'...b-breathe...it-haha...it's too much. Hijikata...God that would be harder than finding One Piece". 

"Don't compare a vagina to lost treasure, asshole! I'll kill you!" 

"Okay, okay...I-ahahaha...hah...". I was wheezing by this point, my lungs suffocating from the laughter. 

"You're the worst". Hijikata turned away from me, sulking. "I'm going outside for a smoke". 

"Oh, no, don't do that. Hijikata, Gin-san is sorry~. Don't goooo". 

"Don't change your character so quickly for such a fake apology you ass!" 

I held onto Hijikata's hand as he stood up. He turned back slightly. 

"Look, I'm sorry for making fun of you. I think you're beautiful on the outside and the inside, okay? Come back to bed so I can give you an apologetic kiss already". 

"Wha-...You...Agh, fine". Hijikata cralwed back into bed next to me, his cheeks slightly red. Guess I really had to apologise with a kiss. I overlapped his hand with mine, leaning in. He flinched a little, but then allowed me to quickly peck his cheek. It was really warm. How cute... 

"Better...?" I asked. 

"Y-yeah...". 

"Good. Just know that Hijikata-kun is the only man to make Gin-san go doki-doki~". I leaned in for another kiss, only to have my face pushed back. 

"Stop trying to change your character at serious parts! If you're going to do that then change to a cheaply done, harem anime!" 

"Pfft, as if...Although, that wouldn't be too bad. I could be the main character...".

"Man, those girls must be that desperate that they would throw themselves at a useless bum like you". 

"Oi! That's not...Sh-shut up! I'd make a great main character in a harem!" 

"Nah, you've got too much of a developed personality. A harem wouldn't have you". 

"Ahh, that's true. They usually have boring main characters with a lack of personality, just to make us jealous of their position". 

"Yep. That's why it wouldn't surprise me if they put Spectacles as a harem protaganist. He'd be perfect. Totally boring, but still likable". 

"What did you just say?" 

"Hm? Oh, I just think your glasses-wearing friend would be more suitable in a harem. I guess you're more likely to play the part of the perverted, but secretly gay, best friend".

"Why the hell do I have to be the best friend of that straight-man?! And why the hell does it have to be like a damn visual novel?! What? Am I the last resort?! Are the other girls not good enough that he has to go with the perverted best friend option?! Fuck you, Hijikata!" 

"Woah, calm down. Does it upset you that much?" 

"Yeah! Duh! I'm protaganist material through and through! Although I'm more shounen material-I'm still a better main protaganist! Don't lump me together with the fabled perverted best friends of a harem! We're all comic relief characters in this series! All of us!!" 

"Okay, okay. Sshhh, shh, calm down". Hijikata wrapped his arm around me, rubbing circles into my back. "I take it back. I'm sure you'd be a great harem protaganist, despite your carefully tailored personality. Are you gonaa cry?" 

"No, of course not. Geez...". 

"Well, good. Crying girls make me uncomfortable". 

"Who the hell are you callin' a girl?!"

"No one. I'm sorry. Now, come on. Let's get under the covers. It's cold. Put your yukata on first". 

"Right, right. Got it". 

I slipped on my yukata, which was previously dumped on the floor, and got back into bed. I immediatly felt warmth, curling my toes under the sheets, when I huddled against Hijikata. He pet my hair softly as he stared up at the ceiling. My finger wandered in circled over his yukata as the silence set in. 

"Hey, Hijikata, when do you think we can see eachother again?" 

"Well, I've got a lot of work to do over the next two weeks. After that I have my day off on a Sunday...Why? Wanna arrange something for then?" 

"Two weeks...I guess I can be patient until then. I really like seeing you, after all". 

"Why are you saying that so suddenly?" 

"I'm just telling the truth. Haven't you noticed? Aside from tonight, we're fighting a lot less". 

"Yeah, when we're alone. Outside you feel like you have to call me a moron and then we start tearing at eachother's throats". 

"Hm, yeah, I suppose. I don't think you and I will ever be docile". 

"Then stop picking fights". 

"Don't wanna". 

"You're really difficult, you know that? Like a kid" 

I chuckled quietly, feeling tired. It's weird how the fights we have are so comforting in thought, at least to me. What I have with Hijikata is weird, but special in its own way. I could never be a part of a more domestic lifestyle with him. It doesn't suit us. That's why I want us to keep our silly arguments and banter, as a reminder of how we started. I don't ever want to forget the stupidity of our relationship, because that's how we became buddies, deep down. I raised myself up a little, leaning over Hijikata. He looked at me, kinda surprised, but relaxed when I kissed him lightly on the lips. It was a quick, but moulded kiss that lasted for at least five seconds. I smiled down at him, but he looked a bit puzzled. 

"Wha-...Why are you acting so strangely". 

"I dunno. I just wanted to see that blush on your face when I kiss you so suddenly". 

"The hell?! You wanna fight?!" 

"See? Tsundere Hijikata is the cutest Hijikata". 

"Bastard! You are picking a fight! Tsundere my ass! What does that make you?!" 

"Deredere, obviously!" 

"Like hell you are! You have to be waaay cuter! Don't try to act cute! And get off of me!" 

"But you do think I'm cute, Hijikata~. I can see it in your overly-serious eyes~". 

"Will you shut up?! A-and, anyway...I don't have to say that you're cute out loud, idiot...That's embarrassing". 

"Aha! Toshi thinks I'm cuuuute! Kyaah~! You'll make me blush~" 

"Don't call me Toshi! I'll kill you! You wanna die! And I said get off of me!" 

I hope this will never change. How sometimes he'll shout and get angry at me, only making the chances of wrinkles on his forehead worse, but then the next minute we'll hug and kiss and he'll tell me that he loves me. If we keep that balance of stupidity and also sincerity, I think we'll be okay for a long time. It may not last, I've known that since the start, but no matter how long it lasts, I'll still love this idiot for as long as I can, for as long as we're both alive and together. I'm making it sound like we're getting married or something... 

"Hijikata, I love you". I said, cuddling up to him, ready to sleep. He hugged me, turning off the lamp light to hide his blush. 

"Yeah, I...I love you too". 

Depite that, we're not the domestic type. Who'd marry this guy anyway? Well...I might consider it the day he quits smoking. God knows when that will be. Oh, well...This is good enough...

**Author's Note:**

> This wasn't meant to be much, just something before some other stuff. It was supposed to be short, maybe humorous and maybe cute just a little. I'm not very good. Forgive me!


End file.
